This is the secret treasure. The couple discovers that the extreme ecstasy of early romance evolves into a quieter, but actually more intense , form of ecstasy. It is the ecstasy of being fully seen and choosing to stay. It is the ecstasy of watching your partner grow old and feeling not loss, but a profound, aching gratitude. It is the ecstasy of fighting hard, making up, and learning a new layer of each other’s souls.
Biologically, extreme ecstasy is a cocktail of dopamine, oxytocin, norepinephrine, and a suppression of serotonin. It is the feeling of merging with another being, of dissolving the ego’s boundaries. It is the 3 AM conversation where you reveal your deepest shame. It is the sex that feels like a religious vision. It is the fight that ends in tears, makeup, and a renewed sense of aliveness. 3d Sex And Zen Extreme Ecstasy 2011
If you bring this true definition into a relationship, it sounds terrifying. Does "non-attachment" mean you don't care if your partner leaves? Does it mean you shouldn't feel gut-wrenching jealousy or heartbreak? Many modern lovers recoil. They want the "zen" of a partner who doesn't freak out when they're late, but not the Zen that understands even the relationship itself is a temporary, fleeting wave in the ocean of existence. This is the secret treasure
Create a ritual where you articulate gratitude for the present moment as if it were your last. Before a date, meditate on the fact that you have no claim to this person. They are a guest in your life, and you in theirs. It is the ecstasy of watching your partner
When you are in the throes of extreme ecstasy—say, an unforgettable weekend getaway—you do not cling to the fear that it will end. You lean into the impermanence. You whisper to yourself, "This is happening now. It will change. And that is okay." Strangely, this acceptance frees you to enjoy the ecstasy more deeply, without the frantic need to freeze it in amber. Tenet 2: Conflict as Koan A koan is a Zen riddle designed to short-circuit the rational mind (e.g., "What is the sound of one hand clapping?"). In an And Zen romance, a fight is not a failure of love; it is a koan.